I had a little bit of a melt down yesterday: the night before hubby took me to see some Christmas lights which were featured on RTE: now light shows are quite new over here in Ireland so of course I am kind of used to seeing loads and loads in the UK, but these are hard times and it was wonderful. Very tasteful and pretty. I just couldn't enjoy it though.
It is a house which we passed everytime I had to go to chemo and A and E and there was something about this night which was a little too much de ja vu: and then it hit me that this time last year at exactly the same time, hubby was rushing me to A and E because my temp had spiked and I might have needed blood transfusions. I have no idea why this memory came flashing back: I guess the weather was the same, the time was the same, the lights were the same. And of course this is on top of the dreadful tragedy where those poor children were shot.
It's so hard trying not to carry the weight of such things on your soul: you have to try though. Each and every time I was in hospital, I was put next to a lady who had terminal cancer and had young children. Different lady each time; same story though and you end up thinking more about how unfair life is and it can weigh heavy indeed and it is hard not to let it affect you.
I pray for the children who were lost: the teachers whose stories of bravery are now coming out and for the poor family of the young man who shot them. Let's not forget they have lost a mother, a relative and socety is bound to find a way to make them feel they need share in the punishment. And I pray for the young man who had his whole life ahead of him and I wonder what illness; what trigger, made this poor man feel the need to commit such an evil act. The act is indeed evil but I can't judge him. Thank God that isn't my place. I especially pray for the families left to pick up the pieces: who have to answer their children's questions regarding death and loss of a sibling, who have to try and work out how to celebrate Christmas for those children still alive, whilst dealing with the emotional anguish of having their children taken from them far to early. It is just heartbreaking.
Through all the suffering in the world, the pain, the illness and news of horrific proportion, it is important to remember that life is for living. Each moment is indeed precious and should be lived to the full. Whatever the turmoil going on within my own heart, the empathy and sympathy, I need to be able able to balance that with living. We all do: this is my first Christmas post-cancer treatment and it is important that I use it to give my children some happy memories. So a balance was found.
What better for a mini-melt down than some snow business.
First of all the gingerbread houses. This is the first time I have made these and the boys have had a great time decorating them and putting them together.
Yes, ok: I made one too!
Aren't they gorgeous! Filled with so much sugary goodness, my teeth ache just thinking about eating them!
We iced the cake while we were at it. We have gone for home made in every way this year so I let the kids make the decorations for the top.
I opened day two of the 12 days Christmas ornie swap.
And day three:
Thank you Maggee...they are beautiful!
I sent Maggee:
Well, that is it for now. Have a peaceful and wonderful week xxx